Over the past week, I had a fitness consult with middle aged man. He was about 30 lbs overweight and his wife felt like I could help him realize that he needs to get back in shape so he can be healthy again. She really wants him to join our personal training programs.
I completely understand where his wife is coming from. She loves him and just want the best for him. She remembers how his energy used to be higher, he was fit and eating healthy. All of a sudden after a knee surgery, he had to stop working out. And over the years he completely lost his drive to get back into his healthy habits, even after his knee healed.
But, unfortunately, as much as I wanted to make things right and convince him to join our programs, there was nothing I could do to sway his opinion about getting fit again either. He simply didn’t realize he had a problem and wasn’t ready to change at that point.
If this had happened previous to my understanding about the ‘Stages of Change’ model, I probably would have blamed myself for not making him a believer that our programs could help him.
Now I know he just wasn’t ready to change and that is okay.
It is tough for us to learn that when a people we care about are not ready to change themselves, we have to lay off a bit. And putting the the pressure on is not helpful in motivating them to make a change any sooner.
So what can we do to help people we love when what they are doing could be detrimental to their lives?
The truth is, they know exactly what they to do to be healthy. They probably know that eating well and exercising will help them get feel better again. But if they do not want to change, or do not realize that there is a problem, we have to step off a bit until they make the decision for themselves that changing is a good idea.
In the “Stages of Change Model” By Prochaska and DiClemente, the change process and strategies to help anyone along in making any change is defined. Knowing where you or someone you want to help are personally in this cycle can help you to know how to coach others in a way that will help them realize that change is necessary and possible.
6 Stages of Change:
- Pre – Contemplation – This is the entry point to the process of change. A person is not even considering the possibility of changing and does not even see themselves as having a problem in the first place. The best thing to do in this stage for yourself and others is to not Force change upon someone (which is our natural instinct to help kicking in). We must help the person raise their awareness gently that their current behaviors may have a bad impact on their health later in life. Being too persistent in this stage can often make people shy away from the possibility of changing completely. Raising doubts in their minds and increasing perception of the risk of their current behaviors can help move them along to the second stage where change becomes a possibility.
- Contemplation – The best way to describe contemplation is Ambivalence. One day you want to change, the next day you don’t. Most of the time you don’t want to change because you do not believe that it is actually possible for you to do so. The more I learn about change, the more I understand that change is a skill that can be learned as long as you put in the effort to make it happen. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is more difficult. But the point is that it is always possible. The best thing we can do to help others in this stage is to strengthen the belief that they are in fact capable of making change happen. They may just need to learn the skills required to make their specific change occur.
- Preparation – The number 1 mistake most people make with their change efforts is not spending enough time in this stage before taking action. In the preparation stage, we have come to an understanding that change needs to occur. We make our own decision that we must do something about the problem and will either make the choice to to move into action or with inappropriate interactions with others, flip back into the contemplation stage. In this stage, we must decide the best and easiest course of action to take to start moving forward with the change process. We also must spend time in this stage preparing for situations that may swing us back the contemplation stage. (I did a great post about how to prepare to make changes that stick. You can read this here.)
- Action – This is where we are actually taking steps to make our change occur. If it is to get healthy, we are getting in our workouts, making healthy choices nutritionally, going to sleep 1 hour earlier, etc. The goal here is to continue to take steps necessary for the change we want to make.
- Maintenance – The changed behavior is now becoming habitual. Working out and eating right are now second nature and are starting to feel easy. The best thing we can do in this stage is to continue to create strategies that make it easy for us to maintain the changes we made and provide ourselves with the necessary accountability to prevent relapses of old behaviors.
- Relapse and Recycle or Termination – This is where we have considered our old habit corrected or we revert back to the original problem behavior. The most important thing to understand is that this is Normal and expected when we are trying to change something we have been struggling with for years and to not feel defeated or demoralized if we go back to square one. Again, this is normal, we are only human. The biggest goal here is to renew the process of remembering why we wanted to make a change in the first place, our personal reasons for making it happen and re-engaging in our new behaviors to make the change occur.
This Stages of Change Model has been astronomical in helping me as a coach to develop an understanding of where my clients are in each stage and the best course of action I can take that will help them make decisions that will better their lives.
Remember, that you cannot make decisions for other people. If they are not ready to change, there is not much you can do to make them change but you can raise their awareness without sounding too pushy. And the Ultimate Predictor of Success for anyone who comes to the realization that they want to change is their level of Persistence and Willingness to continue working through the stages of change will aid them to continue moving forward with their change efforts.













